Hi everyone…

I know I’ve been away for months now. I’m not willing to make up any excuses so, I’ll explain whats been going on in my life and stuff.
I haven’t been motivated to blog anymore on this tumblr it sucks because I feel like I’m letting you all down. I’m so glad to have all you followers, not for me, but just to realize that there are many people on tumblr who love God and want to follow someone who does as well. Recently, the devil has been picking at my brain and the way I think. I’ve realized it has been happening for some time now. He’s been telling me that I’m not good enough, no one cares, you won’t have any friends, you’re going to hate next year, you’re not pretty enough, no one likes you, you’re a terrible friend, you’re somewhat of a terrible person and so on. Maybe my list could go on, but I’ve been struggling with this now. I’m not sure who else may be going through it as well but I’d say this is the first time I began to just tear down my self-confidence and feel negatively about who I am. I mean, I haven’t always been happy about myself or the way life is going for me but I’d say this is the first time I’ve emotionally, mentally and somewhat physically have attacked myself. After being distant from God because of school and such I realized that I obviously needed to get back on track, so I did and still am trying to. I lack motivation and that inspiration I need. Actually, passion may be the right word. I’m not sure what to do, I don’t want to force myself into reading my bible or what not because I feel like it should be a thing your heart wants to do and since God knows my heart as well as yours, He sure knows when we’re faking it. I’m tired and drained out. I continue to tell God the desires of my heart and maybe their coming true but for now I just sense failure.
My friend for a year has just lost interest in our friendship. I mean, I’ve gone the effort of texting her and telling her that we need to sort out some things. I then texted her today asking her how her trip went this week with her father and I didn’t get much out of her. She’s uninterested and it makes me mad. I feel like crying. I feel like yelling at her. I feel like yelling at everyone else. I feel like having a new start. I feel like just staying in my room for the rest of my life until something better comes along. Truthfully, none of those will be happening because I have to continue to compose myself in a respectful, good manner. I know this is long and no one will probably read the entire thing but I hope life is great for everyone who is following me and even for the ones who aren’t. I hope God is blessing each and everyone one of you and that His glory, honor and love is prevailing above all else. I hope that even if you may be struggling with sin, depression, anger, failed friendships, sadness, anything like that and more that the light will overcome all that darkness. I hope that each and everyone of you are able to be positive rather than negative like me and that your relationship with God is strong and unmovable. I honestly hope that each and everyone of you are able to stand firm till the end of each day and remember the person whom God called you to be. Beautiful, wonderful, His son, His daughter, godly, strong, perserving, loving, caring, kind, patient, enduring, and everything else.
God bless each one of you. Keep loving, keep believing and keep trusting.
I know I may not know everything or I may not be the best example of everything I listed up there but if I can say anything it would be this: Even though life gets sucky and things don’t go our way, even if we don’t even want to spend time with our God, remember that His love is SO unfailing and will NEVER give up on you. Remember to remember your Creator and that things will get better, no matter how long it takes. God loves you.

- Adrianna.